Aversion

So I have an aversion to dealing with things sometimes.  I just want to read or watch my soaps and not think about all the stuff going on right now.  So things are busy at work and of course stressful as always.  But I sort of feed on that so I can't complain about that too much. 

More than that things aren't going well with Mamaw.  It will be 1 year October that she was diagnosed.  She is having a bad spell right now and it's hard to handle.  Since she has been doing so well it is easy to trick yourself into believing that she isn't sick and that everything will be ok.  Then she has a bad spell and it's like a reality check. Actually it's like she was just diagnosed all over again.  It sucks the air out of you and then you realize she's dying. So yea that feeling is what I am trying to avoid.  Each time she has a bad spell if she does gain any ground back she always loses more and never gets back to where she was.  We will know more this Friday after she goes to the doctor but either way it seems like things are starting to go down hill faster. 

My time will now be spent in Statesville as much as possible.  I am asking that all my friends understand this.  We do not know how much time we will have with her going forward so I am going to spend as much time as I can with her.  So if I break plans or I can't do something there really is a good reason why.  I hope you all never have to go through this.  I also ask that you pray for her and my family through this.  Thanks to all of my friends that have already been there.  I am glad to have you now and I am going to need you all more than ever soon.  Good night all! 

The Goals Update

My official weigh in is tomorrow morning but I also had to weigh in this past Wednesday for my Healthy Dividends screening. When I did I had reached my next goal and actually surpassed it.

My next goal was to Lose 6 more pounds by Labor Day September 6, 2010. I have actually lost 7 lbs for a total of 37 lbs.

Now it is on to my next goal which is lose 16 more pounds by Halloween. This one I am not so sure I can do. I have 8 weeks and I have lost more than that before but things are going to slow down soon! Also starting in October I will no longer be taking the appetite suppressants. These require at least 1 month off after 4 months of taking them. So we will see! I hope that my exercising and watching my food will pay off and I can continue my weight loss on my own!

I had a great weekend and I am sad to see that it is ending tomorrow. I am excited to finish what we started at the house and see my almost new basement!

I also want to say that I am blessed to have a great family and some great friends but sometimes I can't help but feel left out. Just things maybe I only see but still I notice them and it is a little tug at my heart.

Good night to all and here are a few pics from this wonderful weekend!

Painting the basement!

So today we spent the day working on one of our House Projects! Chad and I started working on our basement. We bought the paint for the walls and decided on what we are going to do about the floors. To start the day we removed the furniture and wall items and then we removed the carpet!!! It was the best decision we have ever made! I hate carpet except in bedrooms. It was so great to see that concrete! We made the decision last weekend that we are going to stain the concrete. It is a really cool way to use the floor and there are tons of options for color and texture and since anytime you stain concrete it finishes different it will be unique. Only problem is we haven't decided on a color yet. We got 2 coats of paint on the walls on the larger side of the basement! Not all of the horrible Carolina blue is gone but A LOT of it is! We also got 1 coat of paint on the bottom paneling! WE LOVE IT!!!! The colors open and brighten up the room. We still have more to do as far as painting. We have to paint the bottom paneling again, paint the base boards, paint the chair railing, paint the window, and paint the door and door jam. That is just on the Bigger side. We have to do it all over again on the small side! We also have to clean the concrete and stain it! For 1 day we got a lot done! We are both so exhausted and we couldn't have done it without my mom who stayed all day and watched Nisee for us! Below are some pictures. Enjoy and Good Night!

The Concrete! Just needs the Stain now! ... Hmmm What color?!?!





Before and After Colors! The After is so much better! :)


Nisee and Me (Notice the paint on my face! Yea I am a messy painter)

Endings and Automotive Repairs

So tonight was my last night of the 12-9 shift at work as a part of the rotation with just 1 other team lead. Now all of the team leads will rotate the shift so I will be working it less often. That's a great thing! Only down side is that I was actually enjoying working out after work on the treadmill. Nisee goes to bed between 8-9 so shes asleep by the time I get home anyways so I figured heck why not run after work. But now I gotta find another time to do it. I am thinking of trying 1st thing in the morning but I am not sure about that. Tomorrow isn't going to happen but maybe Thursday morning I can go to bed early enough to get my butt up at 5:30 to get in a quick 30 walk/run before work. We will see. I am not an early morning person. Who knows? Gotta try it before I knock it!

Also I am proud to report that last night on the treadmill I ran for the longest consecutive time frame. I ran for 18 minutes straight at 5 mph. I walked for 8 mins a 3.0 and then started running and did 2 mins and realizes I had forgot to put on my Ipod so I had to slow down and get situated for the long haul. Then I just started an I made it. It felt great too! Maybe Tomorrow I can do it again! :)

Today was Crazy! I got up played with Nisee for a few hours and then took her to daycare. I came back home and got ready for work and went out to my car to leave and well I noticed there was something really wrong. My Car was really hard to turn. I pulled out of the drive way and It took 2 hands just to turn then I noticed my AC wasn't cooling and my heat guage was getting higher. I quickly did a U turn and went the 2 tenths of a mile back home and called my Mom, Opened the hood and sure enough I had thrown a belt. Later to be termed the Serpentine belt by my Dad. So I had to call in to work because Daddy was no where to be found at the time and Chad was at work and so was everyone else I knew. So finally got a hold of Daddy who said he could fix it no problem just couldn't do it until after 5pm. My Mom was getting off work early to come take me to work. Chad got called back to his job SO his mom had to pick up Nisee and watch her while Chad was at work until 8pm. Then he had to come pick me up at work because I didn't have a car. I want to thank everyone for their help! I appreciate it. Good news is the Matrix is all better now so I can drive myself to work tomorrow!

I just wanted to take a few minutes to talk about how glad I am to have so many great people in my life and how I really love my family! Good Night all!

The Last Song

So why is it that Nicolas Sparks can always put things in perspective? Well him and the local news. So I have read all but the 2 most recent Nicolas Sparks books and well that was because while reading his last book my Great Grandmother died and well I was never able to finish it. I have a hard time reading them now but I decided to watch The Last Song because I heard it was great. And it was a good movie and like all Nicolas Sparks it was sad. Disclaimer*** Do not read anymore if you do not want to know what happens. Basically its the story of a Daughter reconnecting with her Dad (and her brother) when she goes to visit him for the summer and she falls in love with a local boy. Their romance opens her heart and allows her to get past how upset she is about her parents divorce. Well in true Nicolas Sparks tradition her father turns out to be dying of cancer and the story follows her through his death and her taking care of him. Music is a key part of the movie of course. I started crying before he even got sick ... damn foreshadowing! And I proceeded to keep crying through the end of the movie. One of the main message is of forgiveness. One of the best quotes is something like People make mistakes, even the ones we love. We forgive, and keep moving forward.

This is a 2 part post ... So after the movie Chad flipped to the news and this was what they were talking about.This is a link to the video of the News Story Power of Prayer - WGHP

Addison Simmons is a 3 year old little girl who had a virus attack her heart and she went into cardiac arrest and due to being with out oxygen she suffered brain damage. She is alive which is a miracle in itself (dang I can't even type this with out crying) but her chances of a recovery are slim. Prayer started the moment she got there and prayer has continued all over and even on facebook: Pray for Allison Simmons

There is a part of this interview where Addison's Mom is saying "let them eat gummy bears for breakfast, don't make your bed because that's not what matters!"

What I take from that is similar to what Nicolas Sparks is saying as well... Life is to precious and fleeting not cherish every second of it! So yea my blog from a few days ago looks pretty petty right now ... either way can't change it now and it was how I was feeling at the time.

When I think of this I often think of 3 songs ... AND yes if you can't tell I love music and songs speak to me in different ways at different times of my life.

The 1st is self explanatory
"If Tomorrow Never Comes" By Garth Brooks


The 2nd is a little more complicated but this is me and well this is my blog and I don't have to explain it but it's pretty simple if you think about it... If you don't live your life you might miss out on something amazing!
"The Dance" ALSO by Garth Brooks

garth brooks - the dance

Shawn | MySpace Video


The 3rd song is a hidden song on my Saving Jane CD and unless you listen all the way to end of track 13 you don't know it's there. Its about faith and learning to believe. I have not always held the same faith that I do now and this song was very powerful in getting me back to praying and believing! I am not going any further into this right now.. Maybe later...

The Lyrics are here:

I've been calling and calling for you
But you answer and I shut my mouth
I've been searching and searching for you
But myself I don't want to be found

You say I am
You say let go
You say Believe... But it's not that easy for me
You say wait
You say right now
Don't you see you're already one foot in the ground
you say...

I've been wicked and wild and wrong and i've wondered the price of my shame.
I've been hiding my face for so long, it's a wonder that you know my name..

You say come home
You say I'm here
You say there are some things you just can't control
You say let me
You say Believe
Why do you search for the answers you already know
You say...

I am the way and the light and the Truth
Don't be misled by the flight of your youth
Faith in the things you can't see to believe
What if you had faith in me...

You say rest here, this is your home
Don't you see that you knew I was here all along
You say...

Well Now I am off to bed and I am ready to spend a wonderful day with my Baby girl tomorrow! Just me and Nisee!

Annoyed and beware this is not a nice Blog!

I just got home from working out and work. I worked out hard and I feel great but that is about all I am feeling great about. There are a lot of things that are annoying me right now.

Some of them are people and things they say obviously with out thinking. I will not mention all of these specifically but some of them I will. Starting with the fact that I hate people assuming what I do and don't want to hear. Are you me? Can you read my mind? Have I told you I don't want to hear something? If you can not answer YES to any of these questions then you don't know and your assumption is most likely wrong.

It is also very annoying to be left out of things that are almost a slap in the face to what you have said to me for the past 11 years. I mean really if you don't mean it then don't say it and we can just go on with our on lives separately and it won't hurt my feelings to be left out. I guess I am annoyed by people who act one way to your face and then do things that completely contradict those actions!

Mostly I am annoyed with people who don't do their jobs and just want to get something for nothing. Since I can not go into specifics around this I am going to leave it at that. It just really pisses me off for those who do their jobs.

So yea this was mostly a blog full of my bitching about what annoys me but I felt like if I didn't get this out I would explode. I feel better now but I still am annoyed by these things but getting it out helps me focus on it less. Just more lessons to learn about people who you thought were one way but turn out to be the opposite.

On a better note I am off Friday and I can't wait to spend the day with Nisee! AND I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!

House Projects and Progress

Happy Sunday Morning! Yep we woke up late and since we live 30 minutes away from our church 1 hour is not enough time to make it. Especially when getting ready requires me, Chad, and Nisee all taking baths. I don't know how but when I went to hit snooze this morning I ended up turning off the alarm altogether. Chad and I really want to move back to Davie County. We choose Lexington for a few reasons. First: Chad's mom was out here and since his sister moved to China Grove, it was just Mary in Lexington. My parents had my brother close to them so we decided to move out here to be close to her. Second: You could get more house for your money in Davidson County. We got our house for about 10K less than we would have in Davie County. BUT now Chad's mom might be buying a house in China Grove beside his sister and moving there when she retires in about 7 years. So then it's just us here all alone. So we are thinking of moving back to Davie County to be close to my family and Mocksville is about the same distance to China Grove as is Lexington. This wouldn't happen for a few or more years so it's nothing that will happen right away. There are still all of the decisions around Mamaw Evalene and what is going to be done with her house and property. So who knows?! I just know being closer would make it easier in the morning!

Since we aren't going anywhere soon we are going to be doing some house projects to this place. There are a lot of things we want to do to but we don't have a lot of money so we will be doing the most pressing 1st and then working towards the others and of course we have our wish list of things we would like to do to the house. These are not in any specific order of course!

House Projects:
1. Sheetrock the laundry room. It is the last unfinished space in the entire house!
2. Repaint Garage Floor
3. Repaint the Basement
4. Fix AC/Heat Unit in the basement (works but not getting cold)
5. Replace some ceiling tiles in basement
6. Replace Ceiling fans in Kitchen and Spare Bedroom
7. Fix the access doors upstairs in spare room (hinges)
8. Repaint front door and shutters (have paint just need to do it)
9. Clean up brush pile and back of yard

Future Projects:
1. Redo the Bathroom upstairs
2. Repaint living room, stairway, and upstairs hallway all the same color
3. Repaint Kitchen (leave yellow just needs a fresh coat)
4. Repaint and repair all molding

Wish List:
1. Install a new fence
2. Build a new bigger back deck
3. Enclose his and hers closets in Master bedroom and make it one huge walk in closet.
4. Enlarge Master Bathroom
5. New Counter tops and back splash
6. Redo Floors in most of the house. I want hardwoods throughout the house but Chad wants Hardwoods and Tile in the kitchen and bathrooms.
7. Take down wall between living room and kitchen to open up space use columns to support and provide some separation. Requires flipping the kitchen around.
8. Wall Shelves around all of fireplace in Living room. Creates a new place for flat screen above Fireplace.
9. New Front Door


Most of these things especially the wish list won't happen just because those are things I think we would do if we were going to be staying here for a longer time but since we want to move we probably won't spend the money on it unless we happen to get a good deal. It's always hard to pass up a good deal. And of course any of this will help the house sell better. When we bought this place it was 400 different colors. The kitchen Cabinets were Baby Blue and the walls were yellow with White Trim. We painted the cabinets while to make them more neutral. The house had a red front door with blue shutters and yellow siding. Yes you just read correctly! So we painted the front door and the shutters hunter green and it looks so much better and again it flows. I am not even going to describe Nisee's room but now it's all 1 color with no multi-colored stripes. These are already great improvements! Ok that is enough about our house and all the work we want to do.

I am going to give an update about progress on my next goal. My next goal was to lose 6 lbs by Labor day which is Sept. 6, 2010. I am 3 lbs away from that goal to date so I am tracking to most likely hit it. I have lost so much since early June that I have been anticipating things to slow down and they have but I am still making progress so I am ok with it. I am actually really excited about this weight loss. I can really tell a difference in my body from the working out and the watching what I eat. I work out at least 5 days a week and I keep my calories between 1200 and 1500 everyday. It's a good feeling. I am really pleased with the changes so far and I can't imagine how great it is going to feel at the end of this journey when I reach my final goal. I am not going to post a bunch of pictures b/c I am still a little shy about that but here is one that shows some of my progress. The 1st one is Me in May at Nisee's 1st Birthday Party and the 2nd one is me yesterday. Everyone have a great Sunday!

Battles and Prayers

So lately I have been fighting battles or at least that is how it feels.

Battle 1 has been with myself and my exercising. It was doing really well and then my hips started bothering me. I am pretty sure it was my hip flexors because this is not the first time this has happened to me. The hip flexors are made up of three different muscles: The Rectus Femoris, Psoas Major, and Illiacus. These muscles work together to help flex the hip, and to provide stability for the lower extremity. The Rectus Femoris is one of the quadriceps muscles, and also helps with knee extension. The illiopsoas group runs from the lower spine and pelvis to the femur. These muscles can be strained during activities, and can cause pain and loss of motion at the hip. The most common cause of hip flexor injury is acute trauma. You may experience one specific instance when you felt your hip flexor pull. This may have been when you broke into a sprint, made a cut, or kicked a ball. The most common symptom of a hip flexor strain is pain. It occurs along the front of the hip and may radiate down the front of your thigh. Your pain will increase with movement, especially trying to lift your knee toward your chest. Running, jumping, and even walking can be painful. So all the stuff in italics is not me but from another site that has the specifics about hip flexors. I had experienced this before when I was playing soccer. I think that it came from sprints I was running on the treadmill. The treatment for hip flexor injury is ice and rest so that's what I did and I have not had any pain for about 2 days now but since I got out of my routine I am not having trouble getting back into the groove of working out again. I did do 30 mins on the wii fit last night and I will do something tonight I just got to get up off this couch!

Battle 2 is again with myself but this one has to do with a huge change to my schedule and I think is also contributing to battle 1. Until last Thursday I was working the late shift at work. I had worked it for almost a month straight and now that I am back on days it is really kicking my butt! I am used to going to bed around midnight and getting up around 8am. Now it's all I can do to get to sleep at 11pm and then I am back up at 6am. My body times are all askew and it's really impacting my energy and motivation. I am fighting to get used to this again! And now that the night shift will be rotated between all team leads at work I will have to really get used to the early shift more which I am sure I can do but it will just take time.

Battle 3 is with my weight. Yes I have a problem weighing. Yes I have lost over 30 pounds in the past 2 months. So I know that I due for a slow month but no matter what I know I still get irritated when the numbers aren't going as fast as I want. So this battle is really with myself and making myself believe myself. Boy that was confusing! HAHA but I am sure you get the point.

I am also battling a few things with family but I am not going to get into those because well I am pretty tired of typing already and Chad will be done with his Wii fit time soon and then it is my turn! I do love my Wii fit! Even with these battles I must say I am happy with my life. Sure there are things I wish I had that I don't have but that's true no matter where you are. Best news of all Chad got a job and he loves it. So thankful for that!

A friend of mine had on her status today a comment about God and answering prayers. I thought it was a great sentiment and reminded me of one of my all time favorite songs, Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks, which I happen to share a birthday with. The song while titled Unanswered Prayers to me is not about God not answering the prayers but more about him answering them but not necessarily the way you asked. The lyrics are below and the more I go through life the more thankful I become for some of my unanswered prayers!


Just the other night a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

CHORUS:
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

CHORUS

Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers


And just in case you want to listen to the song too here is the video:


PS yes I love Garth Brooks! He is my all time favorite country singer!

I should be in bed

As the title says I should be on bed because I have to be up at 7am to go to work. It is my month for testing and of course they have had testing for the systems at work every weekend so far. I just hope this is the last weekend we have to do testing.

So why can't I sleep? I am not sure what it is but I do have somethings on my mind that might be keeping me from going to bed. Maybe if I get them out then I can go to bed but then again I still don't want to talk about what it is so I am not sure if I really want to get them out so I am just going to type for a while and see what happens.

So today I cleaned the hell out of my kitchen. I even used cloroxed my cabinets. They look great! I reorganized many of my drawers and some cabinets and I threw out a lot of stuff that I never use. I have been doing a lot of that lately. De-cluttering my life in a way, if de-cluttering is even a word. I realized that I have so much stuff and it's just stuff and that isn't want matters. There is a Craig Morgan song that really hits this on the head and I have put it below. It brings tears to my eyes each time I hear it. It just really shows that its the people and experiences of LIFE that make it what it is and the rest is just stuff!



You know on my way home from Mamaw Evalene's tonight I was just day dreaming about things and Steppenwolf's Magic Carpet Ride came on and my mind wandered to Disney's Aladdin and the Genie who granted 3 wishes and I thought about what I would have asked for 5 years ago and the differences in what I would ask for now. 5 years ago I would have asked for money so I could buy all the things that I wanted and never could afford but today I would wish to be able to cure cancer for my Mamaw and everyone else who has had to suffer through this. Just to fix that would be enough because even though she could die any other number of ways she wouldn't have had to go through the hell that cancer puts you through. Cancer is pure evil.

There are days when I am good with this. I can handle it and I am not a huge weeping mess after I go see her but today there was something that set me off. Now that I have had a good cry and typed this up I am ready to go to bed. This wasn't the only thing that has me hurt but I don't feel like going into the other part of it. Other than I will say: You always learn who you true friends are and peoples true colors always shine through in the end. Well I am off to bed.

Another one bites the dust!!!

So on July 6, 2010 I reported that I had lost 18 lbs which meant I had met the 1st 2 of my goals.

1) Lose 8 pounds by the end of May for our Beach Trip
2) Lose 10 more pounds by the Fourth of July (total 18 pounds lost)

On that date I had lost 18 lbs and I was ready to try to tackle my 3rd Goal which was
3) Lose 12 more pounds by August 14, 2010 for my High school Reunion (total 30 pounds lost)

AND Today I am happy to report that I have lost 30 lbs!!!

My High school reunion was moved up to Aug 7th after I wrote my goals and well now its been canceled all together. Chad and I couldn't go because with him being laid off we couldn't afford to go anyways. Then no one bought tickets so they had to cancel it. Most everyone keeps up with each other via Facebook anyways but I still think it would be nice for everyone to have gotten together. Maybe a 15 year or 20 year will be more successful.

I am super excited to have reached 30 lbs gone. It hasn't been easy. I have been walking/running on the treadmill and weight training a lot and really watching what I eat. The pills make it easier to control BUT you still have to make your self DO IT as far was eating healthy and working out because if not then you will just get fat again when you have to stop taking the pills. This week I worked out Monday 20 mins walk/run and weights, Tuesday 15 min walk, Wed 15 min walk/run and 12 min elliptical, crunches and push-ups, Thursday 20 mins walk/run with Sprints and 12 min elliptical, and crunches. I try to do at least 15-30 mins of cardio a day and weights at least 1 time a week depending on the time I have available each day.

SO now it is on to my next goal.
4) Lose 6 more pounds by Labor Day September 6, 2010 (total 36 pounds lost)

Now on to other things!

I know I mentioned that my Friend Christina was getting married this July in Greece and how I really wanted to be there but due to finances I couldn't go. Well she got married to Stefanos on July 24, 2010 and She recently posted pictures and they are so beautiful! She was simply breath taking! So I am attaching a couple that I stole to show you! I can't wait to see her when shes back in the States! I am so happy for her and Stefanos!






Nisee is also walking everywhere now and she is getting to be a big girl. The Daycare said that she will be moving into the toddler classroom soon. SO I am posting a few pics of her as well.